I have heard this saying so much it’s practically ingrained in my brain. When you’ve been hurt, it can be challenging to forgive. Some people even say that most victims find it easier not to overlook. It’s human to be resentful and angry with those who have hurt us. Holding onto that pain and anger is like a security blanket. Sadly, that security blanket is a slow killer. To truly move past the pain, we must forgive.
Forgiveness is actively overcoming the feeling of resentment or revenge for the person who has done wrong actions. How and when you chose to forgive is relative. Some of us take longer than others to tap out of the negative emotions. Also, some people feel like one action is more unforgivable than another. Others may feel like forgiving that person may encourage the wrongdoer to be offensive repeatedly. There may be times where the transgression is so severe that it causes a person to think differently about someone, never being able to forget what they did to them.
Putting yourself in place to forgive is incredibly crucial to your psyche. It is never easy to forgive someone who has wronged you in some way. People don’t forget betrayal, but forgiveness is still mandatory. It is especially hard to forgive someone if what they have done has immensely hurt you emotionally or physically. Forgiving is not weak and doesn’t make you look like a doormat. This act symbolizes love for yourself.
If you are being forgiven for something you did, be sure to SHOW why you deserve forgiveness. Asking for and being bestowed mercy is just step one. Show how grateful you are for being forgiven by involving the forgiving party. Words are powerful, but actions say so much more. Holding back forgiveness leads to more pain for us than the offender, and the practice of forgiveness is not a one-shot deal; it is a life-long discipline.
Every morning I wake up to the news. It’s difficult not to begin my day without Robin Roberts, George Stephanopoulos, Michael Strahan and the rest of the “Good Morning America” family. I wouldn’t describe myself as a “news junkie” yet I still find it important to stay abreast on current events. Between our local news stations in Oklahoma City and the reports coming in from around the world, there are certain stories that stick with you. Amidst the deadly hurricanes and intractable wildfires (my thoughts and prayers are with the victims), the exposing of Hollywood film producer and movie magnate, Harvey Weinstein, and his history of sexual abuse have me reeling.
Some of Hollywood’s most revered actresses have gone public accusing Weinstein of sexual assault. Social media has erupted with think-pieces and emotional confessions from sexual assault victims using the tending topic “#MeToo”, a campaign started by Youth activist Tarana Burke in 2007. America Ferrara, Gabrielle Union, Rose McGowan, Angelina Jolie and a host of other A-List actresses have broken their silence on sexual abuse and the effect it has on women and children. These revelations are so powerful and inspiring that I’m seeing stories shared from friends and family on Facebook.
The stories being revealed by sexual assault survivors about their abusers are harrowing. Ever since the scandal surrounding Harvey Weinstein came to light, the floor for this conversation has been opened. Many women, and men, have been shamed or threatened into keeping a secret that they don’t want to keep. Sexual abuse, assault and exploitation happen every day to people of all ages, races, and gender. According to Twitter, the #MeToo hashtag has been used over 825,000 times since Sunday.
Sunday, Actress Alyssa Milano tweeted:
She couldn’t have been more right. The confessions haven’t ceased since. When I’m listening to the radio, it’s the first topic of conversation. Have we looked over sexual abuse for so long that we’ve turned a blind eye and ear to it?
Sexual violence is an epidemic we must take more earnestly as a society. Acknowledging and understanding sexual assault is the first step toward working to end it. The list of effects of sexual violence has on a survivor are endless. We can advance towards a future where this reality ceases to be. Our community’s ethical/moral principles should be evolving toward paying growing attention to the emotional aftereffects of all sexual encounters.
The topic of mental health as it pertains to Black people is one that is rarely discussed. I needed to conduct some research prior to writing this to further educate myself on the matter. Over the years, I have had family and friends suffering from a mental illness that they weren’t aware of. It wasn’t always discussed openly amongst family. After perusing multiple articles, my eyes were opened to a bevy of information.
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office of Minority Service, African Americans are 20% more likely to report having serious psychological distress than non-Hispanic Whites. Life-altering events like the death of a loved one, illness; and “psycho-social” issues such as unemployment, crime in our communities, and racism just to name a few, contribute to psychological distress. With everything going on in our world today, just imagine how many of us are suffering mentally. A lot of us are suffering in silence because of how we were raised. In some cases, we don’t feel comfortable disclosing how we’re feeling because we don’t want to hear “just pray about it” or “you just need to man up”.
Everyday we’re losing people due to suicide because they don’t know what else to do. By not investing in our mental health and the mental health of those closest to us, we do ourselves a great disservice. The topic of mental health in regards to Black people is so taboo and the stigma is damaging.
A piece in Ebony magazineA piece in Ebony magazine featured Simone Sneed, Director of Development and External Affairs for Inwood House. Sneed has also suffered from bipolar disorder. She considers herself “episode free, med-free and hospital free for over three years”. In the piece she credited her mother with investing in her mental health. What stood out to me was what she said about why the Black community approaches mental health the way we do:
“Historically, African Americans have normalized our own suffering. During slavery, mental illness often resulted in a more inhumane lifestyle including frequent beatings and abuse, which forced many slaves to hide their issues. Over time, strength became equated with survival and weakness (including mental illness) meant you might not survive.”
I have heard this before and it still makes me shiver when I think about it. What our ancestors endured all of those years ago has evolved into a self-harming way of thinking. As a strong and resilient people, we have to learn how to lean on each other more. Having a mental illness is not a weakness. If you or someone you know feels like they need to seek professional help, don’t take it lightly or be embarrassed. This is not a “White person’s disease”, it affects us all. We are entitled to our feelings, good and bad. No one’s feelings are invalid. We must address this issue head on and end the stigma of mental illness.
The history of the Donnay Building stretches far beyond my 29 years of life. The building was commissioned by architect and its namesake, Matt Donnay, in 1948. Over the years, this landmark became home to many well-known establishments like the Patio Restaurant, the Drunken Fry, and the fabulous Hi Lo Club. Sadly, just a few months ago Braum’s announced their plan to demolish the iconic Donnay Building and the building where Classen Grill is located. Many Oklahomans are outraged and are doing everything they can to counter this plan.
In July, protestors gathered in front of the Donnay Building to protest. Generations of people showed up. I have read accounts from people who ate at the Patio Restaurant and others who have had their first drink at the Hi Lo Club. I absolutely love Classen Grill. The food is delicious and the staff is always welcoming. I had no idea that they’ve been operating there since 1980! I have passed through Classen Circle all my life and I always wondered why the ugly building in the middle was so popular. As an adult, I have enjoyed Classen Circle favorites like Edna’s, SpeakEasy, and of course, the Hi Lo Club.
A good friend of mine introduced me to the Hi Lo Club last year. I had never heard of the place, but I really enjoyed myself and met some pretty awesome people. Soon after I learned that the Hi Lo Club is more than an average “hole-in-the-wall”. This establishment has served as a place of refuge for LGBT individuals since 1956 and is historic to the entire OKC community. To wipe away something so special to so many people is unethical and contemptible. To make matters worse, there is another Braum’s that already exists on NW 17th and Classen, less than ten minutes up the street from the Donnay Building! How many Braum’s locations do we need? The food really isn’t THAT good and they always seem to be out of Butter Pecan and Rocky Road!
I’m asking all of you reading this to help us save the Donnay Building and Classen Circle. This space means a lot to so many people in our community, especially those who work there. So many compassionate and hard-working people would lose their jobs and plenty of warm memories. Braum’s isn’t going anywhere, and I don’t believe we need yet ANOTHER location here in Oklahoma City.
I love to see my fellow Oklahomans doing great things! So am I am super excited to feature Mr. Ray Tennyson.
Ray Tennyson creates the most beautiful works of art! He’s also created one-of-a-kind pieces for Kim Zolciak and Keri Hilson among others! It’s truly incredible.
From OKC Thunder players to beautiful couples, Ray Tennyson has made quite a name for himself in Oklahoma City and beyond. Like so many others, I’m a huge fan of his work and I especially LOVE the OKC Thunder paintings! He captures the athletes in a very powerful way. His paintings command your attention and are always immaculate.
As I’m writing this I can’t help but to think of how awesome it must be to see your work on television. I’d freak out every single time. I just want a local news anchor to plug my blog one time. Lol! But this isn’t about me…
So Ray just painted an adorable portrait of Chris Brown and his daughter, Royalty. It’s one of my favorites because I think Royalty is just the cutest baby. I said it’s ONE of my favorites because of this next masterpiece… (keep scrolling)
I’m not going to show you all everything. I think you understand just how incredibly talented Ray Tennyson is. You’ll have to check out his website to see more of his gorgeous art. If you want a portrait of your own, head over to www.RayTennyson.com for prices. Print of his paintings are available as well! You can also follow him on Instagram (RayTennyson) and follow his process. It’s pretty cool to watch him work. Ray’s passion for art definitely shines through in his work. Thank you, Ray, for continuing to inspire others and adding beauty to the world!
You can also catch him at Studio XII on June 26th at 7pm!